Just Your Ordinary Shape Shifting Girl

You may remember, if you've known me for awhile now, that I didn't grow up in La Push. I was born here but my parents divorced when I was barely two years old and my mom took me to live in Seattle with her and my older sister Layla. I came back for holidays and over the summers to stay with my dad, but most of my life was spent in Seattle until I shifted for the first time when I was in high school. My mom knew the legends that were never shared with me since I didn't grow up on the rez and sent me back home to live with my dad. All in all, I had a good childhood but not a "traditional" one for a lot of people. I lived in an apartment in a city with my mom who never remarried, or even dated much. I had friends at school and one of those friends took me to church with her a couple of times when I would spend the night on a Saturday night. I didn't grow up knowing much about anything religious or tribal. Don't feel bad, I don't feel like a lost soul but ...

So to get right down to it, I've been kinda, sorta seeing this guy who has been a friend of mine for a few years now. He's gorgeous and much nicer to me than he should be. He listens to me go on and on about stuff that literally no one cares about except me and pretends to be interested. He is sweet and fun to be around and I should be totally into him and in love. ..... But I'm not. I mean, I like him and he's really nice. We have fun together but I don't have that "zap" or those butterflies that I should have at this stage of the game. I'm doing my best to see if I can make things come around but when I look at Josh, I just see this guy who I don't want to hurt or say goodbye to but who I also know isn't who I need. I don't really know how to make you understand without giving examples so here. This is what I mean. He kisses me; I kiss his cheek. He asks me to come over and to stay and I crash on the couch. We haven't... you kno...

It was supposed to be a pack getaway but sick imprints from all the flu going around, schedules and whatever else kept it to just Jared and Kim, Embry, Hayley, Quil and Me. Sure we missed the others but the six of us get along really well.... kind of. Let's say Hayley and I get along really well. Embry and Hayley get along really well. Quil and I get along really well. Quil and Hayley get along in an really awkward way and Quil and Embry may have an actual dual over Cheetos some day. I'm not kidding. Still, we love each other and were excited to have a weekend in this gorgeous cabin up in the mountains. La Push and Forks don't get much snow and Quil and I had been talking about snowball fights and snow angels for awhile so when Embry said he found a place for the weekend, we all joined in! The cabin wasn't as big as the pictures made it look but we made it work. Jared and Kim had one bedroom, Embry and Hayley the other and Quil and I took the recliner and couch in...

It's not a secret that I don't date. I've been set up and encouraged to go out with guys by Kim, Quil, girls at work, my mom, my sister and honestly... I don't want to. I'm not comfortable with it because of who and what I feel. I'm sure people think it's some kind of defect but I promise, it isn't something that feels bad to me. It feels honest and true to myself, but there is this guy I work with...  This is Josh.  I hired Josh several years ago when I first purchased the coffee shop in Forks. He's smart, funny, good looking and a really great friend. Actually, you can read about him in an old blog I wrote. Don't take it the wrong way, that was a TERRIBLE time in my life and what I wrote about hasn't ever happened again or gone further. Josh hasn't ever been anything but great to me. We laugh and the whole time he was with his girlfriend who turned into his fiance, I was his sounding board and he has always been mine when I n...

I've been on a travel spree since November and I haven't taken the time to write about anything I've done. I guess I can blame it on being busy with two coffee shops, patrol, and trying to have any sort of life outside of work. The thing is, I like work. It keeps me busy and I'm good at it. Other parts of my life, not so much. I'll start here. The other two trips will be in the next two blogs. For my birthday, I wanted to get out of town. It had been ages since I had left Washington for fun and I needed to get away. Who else would I want to go with me than Quil, of course. I wasn't sure he would be allowed to go since he has a girlfriend and everything but he managed to get away for a few days.  Honestly, if he wasn't able to go, I was ready to go alone but that wasn't what I wanted. I wanted to get away with him and have some fun - just the two of us. This place and this whole trip were magic. Literally. There are vortexes that change your energ...

I think the last time I wrote in here it was to tell you all about this really nice guy who started coming by The Buzz to talk. His name was Adam and he was recently widowed and looking for someone to talk to. His eyes are this amazing shade of Caribbean blue and he broke my heart from he first time he sat down with is cup of coffee. He had just moved to the area to give his kids a fresh start without their mom and since I've been here for almost seven years now, I was happy to help him. He started coming in regularly and we got close... closer than I intended for us to. I didn't really ever consider "dating" Adam because he is so much older than me and, let's be honest, I shouldn't date. (That is a whole different blog post that maybe I'll feel like writing some day but for now, I'll leave it that I am incapable. How's that?) Anyway, he asked me to go to some work thing with I'm at first so he didn't have to go alone and he didn't know...

A few weeks ago I was at work, which isn't a big surprise because I'm always at work. It wasn't an exceptionally busy day so I had time to really sit down and talk to my customers. I'm always curious about their favorite desserts and drinks; it helps me keep the menu fresh and exciting. Anyway, I was wiping up the bar after making a new coffee drink when a new face came in and sat down. I came over to get his order and introduce myself as the owner. After I brought him his pie and coffee, I couldn't help notice that he had a sort of sad smile so when he started to talk, my college courses kicked in. If you don't remember, I was a psychology major... criminal psychology but still psychology. I don't think this guy is a criminal. {I hope not anyway.} The man stayed without ever giving his name for nearly two hours. He told me that he moved to Forks awhile back to start his life again since his wife passed away, leaving him with two kids, about six months ago...