Every Little Thing is Gonna Be Alright
Its been just over a month since I came home from Jamaica. If you remember, I went there with Josh, a gorgeous dress and a feeling like I was locking myself into a life that I couldn't picture. The planning, the bring vision of a life with him, the hope; I didn't feel or see any of it. The resort was beautiful, complete with a sparkling blue Caribbean and tropical flowers and Josh was beaming with excitement; I was in my room struggling to breathe and practicing to keep my head together long enough to get the "I do" out with some amount of conviction. Josh had gone to the lobby to wait for me. It was just He and I and the preacher he had hired on the island to marry us. We were scheduled to be there for just over a week to celebrate the start of what he wanted to be a lifetime together. I tried. I had been trying for a year and nothing felt okay. I wanted to be at home. I wanted to escape because nothing felt right. I wanted Quil and this felt like the end