Every Little Thing is Gonna Be Alright

Its been just over a month since I came home from Jamaica. If you remember, I went there with Josh, a gorgeous dress and a feeling like I was locking myself into a life that I couldn't picture.  The planning, the bring vision of a life with him, the hope; I didn't feel or see any of it. The resort was beautiful, complete with a sparkling blue Caribbean and tropical flowers and Josh was beaming with excitement; I was in my room struggling to breathe and practicing to keep my head together long enough to get the "I do" out with some amount of conviction.

Josh had gone to the lobby to wait for me. It was just He and I and the preacher he had hired on the island to marry us. We were scheduled to be there for just over a week to celebrate the start of what he wanted to be a lifetime together. I tried. I had been trying for a year and nothing felt okay. I wanted to be at home. I wanted to escape because nothing felt right. I wanted Quil and this felt like the end instead of the beginning it was meant to be. Quil had hardly talked to me in weeks and this seemed like the path I was supposed to take for my own good but I knew I shouldn't do it. I was leaving to walk to the lobby to take the next step and my phone rang. 

I looked at the screen, saw Quil's face, and hurried to answer before he could hang up. I needed to talk to him and tell him so many thing but I was instantly fighting not to cry. His voice was rushed and he sounded out of breath asking me if he was too late. I told him that I couldn't do it, that I didn't want to get married, and I needed him to help me. I barely heard him when he said to open the door but when I opened the door to the hotel lobby to find Josh, he was standing there. Quil, the Quil who hates to fly, had jumped on a plane and come all the way to Jamaica to tell me what I already knew; that this was wrong and what I really needed wasn't Josh. It was him. 

He told me that he wanted me. He told me that he was happy with me and he asked me to be with him again and it sounds so cheesy and stupid but I really felt like everything had to be a dream. This moment was something I had dreamed about for years - since thing ended with us. We both knew that we clicked, different, and that we were better together  than apart. Maybe that is how we stayed so close as best friends all this time when it would have been easier to be drift away from each other. Sometimes you have to fight through he hard parts to get to what is right.

Since Jamaica, Quil and I have settled into this "beginning".  I don't know how to describe what its like to fall into something so familiar with someone you know inside and out but have it feel brand new. We can finally let go at home and be who we have always been but with the honesty that I have wanted to have with him for a long time. I can kiss him goodnight and when we fall asleep together, we don't have to awkwardly creep away. Don't get me wrong, we are taking it slow. We have a lot to relearn about each other and we want to do this right. On top of our new status, I don't want Josh to get hurt, even though I'm fairly certain he knew all along that I was Quil's all along. How could he not?

My life has been anything but normal since I shifted the first time. From moving back to La Push and learning how to be a wolf, to leaving Matt then losing Matt, to falling in love with Quil and trying to put him out of my life enough to heal, and finally to an engagement to a friend that was destined to fail, my constant happiness and safe place has always been right in front of me. Its a new beginning for Quil and me and we may be older and wiser, but we are still the same people so the fun and maybe even the trouble is on the horizon and I can't wait to live every second of it.