Catch Up Time
I suck at keeping up with this blog. Seriously, SUCK. So... I might have to bullet point what's been going on with me just so I don't miss anything. Don't expect literature here, my friends - its all about information. Think lectures or PowerPoint or something like that.
Since January... which was forever ago....
1. I've been hanging out with Josh on and off. No. We're not dating and I don't have those kinds of feelings for him. He's just a good guy to hang out with and he works with me. I've also been doing stuff with Kim on and off while Jared is at work and, of course, Leah and Quil and everyone.
2. Yes, I'm still trying to be friends with Quil. I think we've come a long way. Its not easy with all the feelings I have for him but I can't imagine my life without him in it. Its uncomfortable at times and I get sad but I usually snap out of it pretty quickly now. I wish I could say that I'm over it and glad I'm free, but that's not the case. I'm also not sitting around moping - its been six months and I'm not much for sitting around. I'm hoping we can keep getting closer and be like we were before we were together. We'll see how much of that can happen without me scaring him away. He doesn't want me to love him and, lets be honest, it would be far more convenient if I didn't but that's out of my hands, so we'll just deal with it and see how it goes.
3. My sister who lives in Germany had a baby! I'M AN AUNT! His name is Corbin and he is just about the most adorable baby EVER. Her husband was deployed right after Corbin was born and I've been talking to her on and off since. She sounds great one minute and terrible the next. More and more she is crying when I talk to her, but hopefully when she comes to visit in a couple of weeks, being around her family will help all that. I'm sure she is stressed and lonely. It'll be nice to have her around and to finally meet my nephew and squish his baby cheeks!
Let's see, what else... *bites her lip, thinking.* I squashed Josh's roommates Mike's balls one night for telling Josh we were sleeping together. That is NOT happening. Not that I don't miss sex, I do. >.> I'm just not going to sleep with him or Josh to scratch that itch. Josh would be more than happy to go there but given that he thinks I'm having sex in the woods in a daily basis with Quil, and I haven't told him otherwise, ... just no. If there was someone who I honestly was interested in dating, I would go out and have fun, but I'm happy not too. It seems like kind of a waste of time when you have to keep half your life hush-hush and your heart is all tied up with all these other feelings. I'm not complaining. I'm really actually doing okay. Not great, but not bad either.
Here's an example. Jake got shot. Yeah, I said, SHOT. It was terrible and we all went to see him at the hospital the other night. He looked alright and was making conversation with the guys about meeting up with some girls. Its not that I don't figure Quil is dating. Come on, its Quil. He's a flirt and I'm sure he is but its not exactly a comfortable conversation for me to be in so I just shut up. Jake was happy to have something to talk about other than his shoulder and I didn't have much to say on the topic. Yes, I wanted to crawl in a hole but it was mostly out of being uncomfortable. I didn't want to cry or run away like I would have when he first broke up with me. And yes, I know its been a long time. I guess feelings like I have don't just go away because they aren't supposed to be. I have a plan though. I'm going to use how much I care about Quil to make sure we can be close as friends. Just friends. *smiles* Its all I can ask for and it was good enough for a long time.
And then there is Claire. I miss that little girl almost as much as I miss Quil. I have told him before that I love to see him with her and I also love to see her with him, so I hope maybe we can all do something fun again soon. Like camping! I've only been that one time a couple of summers ago and I would love to go again! Its safe to say that I have mixed feelings on imprinting. Its scary, fascinating, unreal, completely real and not something I would want but a feeling I would give anything to feel. Clear as mud, right? I'll explain. I wrote a blog once about how I felt on imprinting. When I read it now, three years later, I don't feel the exact same way. Parts are the same, like hoping it doesn't ever happen to me but other parts have changed, the more I have been around it. I've seen Quil's face light up and I know that he is who he is because of Claire. Its hard to argue with that knowing how I feel about him and that he wouldn't be the same guy without her. How could I wish that away? It would be changing my best friend into someone else and that would suck. And Claire, with her dad back, I see how she depends on Quil and how much she trust him than anyone else. Even her own parents. Its amazing, really.
As for Jake, he's home now and doing well. He's very lucky that Quil was home and able to get him to Dr. Cullen in time. Patrol will be shaky for awhile with us knowing that the hunters are still there looking for Bigfoot and knowing that they aren't afraid to shoot. It makes knowing that everything is hanging on the edge much more in your face. It makes you grateful for what you have and appreciate who is in your life. Things are looking good.
Since January... which was forever ago....
1. I've been hanging out with Josh on and off. No. We're not dating and I don't have those kinds of feelings for him. He's just a good guy to hang out with and he works with me. I've also been doing stuff with Kim on and off while Jared is at work and, of course, Leah and Quil and everyone.
2. Yes, I'm still trying to be friends with Quil. I think we've come a long way. Its not easy with all the feelings I have for him but I can't imagine my life without him in it. Its uncomfortable at times and I get sad but I usually snap out of it pretty quickly now. I wish I could say that I'm over it and glad I'm free, but that's not the case. I'm also not sitting around moping - its been six months and I'm not much for sitting around. I'm hoping we can keep getting closer and be like we were before we were together. We'll see how much of that can happen without me scaring him away. He doesn't want me to love him and, lets be honest, it would be far more convenient if I didn't but that's out of my hands, so we'll just deal with it and see how it goes.
3. My sister who lives in Germany had a baby! I'M AN AUNT! His name is Corbin and he is just about the most adorable baby EVER. Her husband was deployed right after Corbin was born and I've been talking to her on and off since. She sounds great one minute and terrible the next. More and more she is crying when I talk to her, but hopefully when she comes to visit in a couple of weeks, being around her family will help all that. I'm sure she is stressed and lonely. It'll be nice to have her around and to finally meet my nephew and squish his baby cheeks!
Let's see, what else... *bites her lip, thinking.* I squashed Josh's roommates Mike's balls one night for telling Josh we were sleeping together. That is NOT happening. Not that I don't miss sex, I do. >.> I'm just not going to sleep with him or Josh to scratch that itch. Josh would be more than happy to go there but given that he thinks I'm having sex in the woods in a daily basis with Quil, and I haven't told him otherwise, ... just no. If there was someone who I honestly was interested in dating, I would go out and have fun, but I'm happy not too. It seems like kind of a waste of time when you have to keep half your life hush-hush and your heart is all tied up with all these other feelings. I'm not complaining. I'm really actually doing okay. Not great, but not bad either.
Here's an example. Jake got shot. Yeah, I said, SHOT. It was terrible and we all went to see him at the hospital the other night. He looked alright and was making conversation with the guys about meeting up with some girls. Its not that I don't figure Quil is dating. Come on, its Quil. He's a flirt and I'm sure he is but its not exactly a comfortable conversation for me to be in so I just shut up. Jake was happy to have something to talk about other than his shoulder and I didn't have much to say on the topic. Yes, I wanted to crawl in a hole but it was mostly out of being uncomfortable. I didn't want to cry or run away like I would have when he first broke up with me. And yes, I know its been a long time. I guess feelings like I have don't just go away because they aren't supposed to be. I have a plan though. I'm going to use how much I care about Quil to make sure we can be close as friends. Just friends. *smiles* Its all I can ask for and it was good enough for a long time.
And then there is Claire. I miss that little girl almost as much as I miss Quil. I have told him before that I love to see him with her and I also love to see her with him, so I hope maybe we can all do something fun again soon. Like camping! I've only been that one time a couple of summers ago and I would love to go again! Its safe to say that I have mixed feelings on imprinting. Its scary, fascinating, unreal, completely real and not something I would want but a feeling I would give anything to feel. Clear as mud, right? I'll explain. I wrote a blog once about how I felt on imprinting. When I read it now, three years later, I don't feel the exact same way. Parts are the same, like hoping it doesn't ever happen to me but other parts have changed, the more I have been around it. I've seen Quil's face light up and I know that he is who he is because of Claire. Its hard to argue with that knowing how I feel about him and that he wouldn't be the same guy without her. How could I wish that away? It would be changing my best friend into someone else and that would suck. And Claire, with her dad back, I see how she depends on Quil and how much she trust him than anyone else. Even her own parents. Its amazing, really.
As for Jake, he's home now and doing well. He's very lucky that Quil was home and able to get him to Dr. Cullen in time. Patrol will be shaky for awhile with us knowing that the hunters are still there looking for Bigfoot and knowing that they aren't afraid to shoot. It makes knowing that everything is hanging on the edge much more in your face. It makes you grateful for what you have and appreciate who is in your life. Things are looking good.
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