Just a glimpse



So, once upon a time there was a future blog. This is what I see. This is what I pray for and dream about and feel in the deepest part of my soul that is right. Its why I have never given up and why I will endure anything and everything. Pregnancies, crazy orgies, girlfriends, and time. Its how I feel and its honest and real and terrifying all at the same time - mostly because it may very well be just me. It may be my hopeless devotion and bleeding filled to the brim self. Regardless, I have to say it and I want you to know too. I'll try to go easy on the mush but sometimes mush happens.

So here we go. Fast forward to September 4, 2020.
..................................................................................

Walking inside from the party, I still can't help but grin and get butterflies at the smile on your face over the beautiful young woman who makes you light up. No, its not me... not entirely me. Claire is 16 and still brings out the best in you. I am so blessed to be able to see this every day and have you, and her in my life. You're in the kitchen finishing up the last piece of her cake still yammering away about the boy that came and gave her that birthday kiss. I'm writing this to explain just how amazing my life is and where it stands.

We have to back up because going from nine to sixteen is enough years to have a lot happen. We both know where we stopped when Claire was 7. You let me go so I could move on and fall in love with someone else. So I could be your friend and nothing more. So I could get married and have babies and do all those things that you expected to come so easily with someone other than you. We stayed close despite other relationships and jobs and all of the feelings I had for you that never went away or faded. I could tell when you looked at me that you felt something but knew you thought you were doing the right thing. We always had that spark and this understanding and comfort with each other that I couldn't deny. I remember telling myself over and over to give up and let go and find someone and never being able to actually do it because for me.... it was always you.

I know you don't understand why I would stick with you ... even now knowing that we are closer to Claire being an adult and her feelings becoming more romantic. No one could look a the two of you and deny the connecting. Who else can make you do the things she does and be there like you are. Its fascinating and magical and its so obvious that the two of you have a deep connection that is beyond reason. I would be lying if I said it didn't scare me but I'm not upset or even jealous because for the past years, I have had you too.

Maybe its because I'm smarter *smirks* or because you are emotionally retarded. *nudges you* It doesn't really matter because I couldn't give up and I would do it all over again to have what we have. We have a life. So we're not married or engaged. I've never expected that. Maybe someday if Claire chooses to be with someone else and keep you as the "old wolf man" that she loves. Maybe... or maybe not. But I have a life with you. I have a house with you and a connection too. And I have a girl who has grown from a little sister to a friend and I still love Claire to the moon and back. Almost as much as I love her imprinter. ;-)

I know you have always been afraid of her choice. I hope that changed for you when she found out about the wolves and your bond with her. She seems so confident in her connection and her ability to have any life she wants. She is so smart and daring and all the things an awesome teenage girl should be. She trusts you with her life and she knows how we feel about each other. It used to keep me on edge thinking that she would one day tell me to stay away from you and hate me for how I feel. I might be counting my chickens before they hatch but, so far, so good. She seems comfortable and confident in us being together and in not losing her connection with you. And the imprinting.... she's cool with it. I have no doubt that when she is sure I may have to tell you good bye and give up our relationship as a couple but I also have no doubt that if that happens, we'll be okay and she will still be one of my good friends too. I think I have it all and I don't know how any of that managed to happen.

*Looks back over at you sleeping next to her in bed, snoring softly. Smiles.* I don't want to lose this ever and maybe I will. Or maybe I won't but to have you sleeping next to me and to come home and tell you about my job with the crazy people and to kiss you good morning... I'll take my chances and I won't ever forget the day you decided it was worth it too. *Bites her lip* Do you remember? It was after the fight that seemed to never end (even if it was only a month). It was after the chaos of you trying to give up on a relationship and there I was. Still staring at you with my wolf pup eyes and refusing to let you be alone and sad. ... You know, I almost told you to run after her and tell her what we are. I almost told you to let her in on Claire and have a life with her and I was too chicken. I was too afraid I would have to watch you marry her and that I wouldn't be able to take anything else. I couldn't do it. I tried. I tried to ask if you wanted her why you wouldn't fight for it and then I realized that you didn't fight for me the first time either. .... So, after all that and things being held together by a seam we were at the beach just walking and talking. Nothing strange for us and I looked at you like I always have and this time you looked back but it was different. It was like you finally saw that I was actually as bull headed and in love with you as I always said I was. *grins* I finally waited long enough for you to kiss me again and tell me you wanted me and from there... its been exactly right.

But... I'm writing this from my hopes and wants and point of view. From what I can see when I see us and from what I would wait 1000 years to have with you.  I hope you aren't freaking out and hating this. I hope it makes you see yourself through my eyes and why I know my life is far too connected and intertwined with your's to give up on something this real. *wets her lips* Its not an imprint thing but to me, its just as strong and I knew it all along. *smirks* You. Complete. Me... *snorts*


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