Its Better Down There

I'm overdue on posting this, you're shocked, I know. I was going to write a different blog but in order to keep things in order, this one has to happen first. A ton has happened in my life lately and I owe it to everyone to at least try to keep things up to date here. Lets go back to November, back to Cabo and back to one of the best vacations I've ever taken - like the last time Quil and I went to Cabo a couple of years ago.  We have this annual birthday vacation thing going that is always the most fun I have all year. This year I wasn't sure it would happen since I've been dating Josh but Quil asked me to go to Cabo and I wasn't about to turn him down.

We left Washington for a week in the sun to spend some time together doing whatever we wanted. Last time we went we were together and it was a different kind of trip but, despite what everyone expected, we are still super close. We live together and he is my best friend and so much more; I wouldn't have missed this trip for the world and was so ready to get out of town and away with him. The hardest part was explaining to Josh that I wasn't about to stay home. He didn't like it but what was he supposed to say? Quil and I aren't negotiable in my relationship with Josh, I was going and he knew that was the end of it.

When we got to the resort, Quil had found this awesome suite with a great view of the water. We had two beds in one big bedroom, a living area and a little kitchen that was perfect for snacks and drinks. There is something pretty magical about sitting outside on the beach and seeing the same stars in Mexico as we see in La Push then waking up to see the same ocean with a completely different landscape. Quil and I went to see some of the caves and caverns, played in the surf and went out at night. It was relaxing and energizing at the same time and I wasn't near ready to go back to everyday life by the time the week ended. I guess the great spirit in the sky was on my side because its not everyday that it rains on you inside but that's exactly what we got.

It rained on and off on our trip and on the night before we left it stormed pretty bad, bad enough to blow something loose on the roof and let the rain come in. Quil woke up in the morning with his sheets and face wet and the side of my bed was wet too. Our clothes that were laid out in suitcases were soaked and we had a flight to catch later that day. Quil went down and talked to the hotel desk and, while they weren't able to refund they did upgrade us to a couple of complimentary nights in the Honeymoon suite.

I probably should have said no. I probably should have apologized to Josh for asking to stay longer. I probably should not have been so happy to have more time, and in this amazing room but I said YES, wanted to stay more than anything and I wasn't about ready to give up this chance for more time in Cabo.

I thought our last room was awesome but seriously, the view was breathtaking. The bed had a curtain around it so you could leave the doors open all night, they brought us breakfast and happy hour appetizers and drinks, and we had our own private hot tub. Maybe Quil cared but the next day of rain didn't matter one bit to me. I didn't need to go anywhere and he seemed pretty happy too just lounging around. Later that night we decided to have a few drinks and use the hot tub and this is where things might have gotten a little out of hand.

Let me say that up until this point, I kept my feelings in check. I've said more than enough times how much I loved being there with him and how I wasn't ready to go home. Through the whole week I tried my hardest not kiss him like we had been doing at home. It would have been so easy - we were out of town... out of the country even! I barely thought about Josh except when he called or texted which was only a handful of times. Quil and I even shared a room and we were practically saints... until the hot tub. I'll admit, I lost it. Maybe it was the wine or a buildup of the whole week but we were sitting so close talking and flirting a little and I did it. I kissed him and I meant it. I wanted to and it was way too good. I should have stopped sooner. I shouldn't have ever done it to begin with but I did and I couldn't help but be surprised that he didn't stop me either.

Things might have gotten a little out of hand. We might have gone too far and we almost did, but I stopped it. I had to, right? I mean, what about Josh. WHAT ABOUT JOSH? I don't know. I never told him about that night. I don't know how and I don't know what to say but he is the only reason I stopped because I know I didn't want to and part of me is glad we did but the other part wishes that I would have taken the opportunity to be with Quil just one more time. 

We had sort of an awkward morning the next day and I know Quil was nervous around me for awhile but things are good again. If nothing else goes right, I know I can count on him to be there and we'll be okay. 

There is another blog coming shortly that tells where things are now and I will keep trying to explain how I see the world moving around me. Everything is crazy and I'm spinning out of control sometimes but I'm trying to do the right thing for everyone.