Forks in the Road

The fact of the matter is that I have no idea what I'm doing most of the time. I'm content and discontent. Happy and Sad. Sure and completely unsure at the same time.  And now, to top it all off, there's another fork in my road. I don't like these forks and I'd rather stab someone with them than decide which way I should go so making a major life decision like taking a big girl job is throwing me for a loop.

I have been at The Buzz since the day the doors opened - longer if you count all the time I helped get the shelves stocked and things up and running. I love that job. I love meeting new people and making coffee and seeing my friends when they stop by but its not anything to do with my major. I've invested 3 years of my life in Criminal Psychology now so I should do something with it, shouldn't I?
I should use the internship I had at Forks State Prison and try to find something permanent counseling the inmates there but its so dark and depressing and I just don't think that's what I want to do.

That's where this guy enters the picture. This is Nate.


Nate is my step-brother Brian's best friend. On Father's Day weekend I went to Portland to spend time with my dad. We had dinner as a family and after the poking and prodding from his wife, I was ready to get out of the house. I asked him to come have a drink with me but he was busy doing things with her. Brian mentioned that he was meeting a friend later and asked me to join them and who am I to say no to an reason to get out of the house? Brian, Nate and I went to this little jazz club, drank little jazzy drinks, and sat in a little dark jazzy booth. It was swanky and not my normal scene but it was fun. Brian stayed until a little after 11:00 and I was having a nice time talking with Nate. He asked so many questions and seemed genuinely interested in me. It was nice. He told me that he owns a small gaming company in Portland and that they are looking for new character designers. The conversation went from light to serious to flirty and full circle a few times and the next thing I knew it was almost 2:00 and the bar was closing down. I said good night to Nate and caught a cab to my dad's house while he got in his Jaguar and left too. That's it. Nothing else.

The next day I caught a flight back to Seattle. The entire flight home I couldn't stop thinking about the job offer. He couldn't have been serious, right? I told him I was a Psych major. I told him I lived in Seattle - which was sort of a lie but I don't know this guy at all and no way am I telling him where I live. As much as I could stare at those eyes and that smile for hours, there is something about him that makes me shiver. I don't know him and I'm not sure I trust him. Anyway, I used my mom's address so it was half true. >.>

I called him when we landed and accepted the job. My heart was pounding and I wasn't sure what I just accepted or what it would entail or where I would end up. What the hell am I doing?! I still don't know!  We talked again and I let him know that I wouldn't be leaving my home. Here's the next fork. Maybe I'm making a mistake staying. Maybe its time for me to grow up. It not like Quil won't still be my friend if I live in Portland or like I couldn't come back and see Claire and Kim and Leah and Embry and *sighs* ... I don't want to leave but is this what adults do? Screw that! I don't want to grow up! I don't want to leave my pack. Am I wrong?




Anyway, I put in my two weeks notice to go part time at The Buzz and I am officially designing characters for a gaming company. Basically I come up with crazy killers and great victims so I'm using my degree, I have a totally gorgeous boss whom I'm not attracted to at all, and I am totally nauseated by the whole thing. Something isn't right.......

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