Howl at the Moon.

In the course of trying to get my memory back I have done everything I can think of to spark something. Nothing has worked. I've watched home movies, gone through pictures and scrapbooks, gone back to Seattle, gone to the bakery, hung out with Quil - EVERYTHING. Things are getting frustrating to say the least. Sunday night I was going through my scrapbooks and pictures for what seems like the 100th time when I just couldn't stand it any more! I slammed the book shut and ran outside. I can't tell you that I've ever felt the way I felt just then before in my life. I was shaking and hot but not sweating. I couldn't think and every part of my body just felt wrong. My dad must have known how upset I was because he followed me out onto the porch to try to calm me down. He told me to go for a run and that it always used to help. I stood up feeling things quickly starting to fall apart and took off as fast as I could toward the beach.

I was running and crying and my back felt like it was going to explode into flames and the next thing I knew, I was a wolf. WTF?! I had no idea what to do, or where to go, or how any of this happened so I did the only thing I thought I could do and I hid. I ran into the forest, found a secluded dark spot and cried until I fell asleep. I'm not sure how long I slept but when I woke up I was back to "normal". My clothes were in shreds and I was alone in the woods. I walked through the trees and back to my house, sneaked inside to avoid my dad and went to bed. I didn't sleep much at all that night. I kept waking up crying and then I would think about what happened and I was sure I was losing my mind. I stayed in bed or at least in my room all day Monday trying to come up with every possible explanation for what happened on the beach.

I was grouchy and more scared than I have been the entire time since the accident when Quil called. Poor guy. He seems to get stuck picking up the pieces for me a lot. I don't know what I would have done without him over the last couple of weeks. We talked for awhile and the next thing I knew he was on my doorstep. He came in and gave me a huge hug and hung out with me until I must have fallen asleep.

When I woke up this morning Quil was gone and I was on the couch. I poured a cup of coffee and went outside to watch the rain when my phone started to ring. It was Sam. *smiles* He asked me how I was doing and I told him that I was pretty sure that I was losing my mind. Thats when he asked me if I had "phased". What? What does that mean? He said that he heard Quil mention something about it on patrol. He asked me how I felt and if I had been feeling unusual so I decided to take the jump and tell him what happened. Sam didn't laugh and he didn't think I was crazy. He actually made me feel like things were going to be ok.

I found out that I'm not alone and that there are 12 more of us in La Push. This is huge! Its one less thing I have to be scared of and maybe one GIANT key to figuring out about the rest of my past. Today has been a great day so far!

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