Imprinting from the Outside - Willow's viewpoint

There are some things that you just can't understand unless you are living them. Its like when people say "I know how you feel" but there is no way they really can because its a private pain or a situation that is so personal that NO ONE could ever understand - unless they had experienced that same circumstance. I watch Quil with Claire and I see how happy he is and how his whole world lights up when she is around and its amazing! I hear Jake talk about having to leave the Rez once the Cullens have to leave Forks and see how much he wants to stay but that he would follow Nessa to the ends of the Earth. Then there is Paul and Rachel and Jared and Kim and this amazing tie that they have to each other. And then there is Sam and I don't even know where to begin...

So, to begin this little brain explosion I need to say that the people I see who have imprinted seem very happy. They are happy. There is no question in my mind about that. They know what they want and how it feels to have your entire life right before your eyes. Maybe I'm not one who believes in that knock you over kind of love - I hate to even say that because it sounds so cold but maybe thats my problem. I think love has to be gradual. I know you can have amazing feelings for someone the first time you see them, but to "love" them; that takes time, right? Maybe its something much more primal like "survival of the species". Maybe its a way to protect people who need to be protected - like having God watch out for someone who he knows is going to need some extra protection. This might all sound mysterious, but really, isn't imprinting mysterious in itself?

Its not the mystery that eats at me. That part is fun - mystery is fun - love is a mystery right. Babies, and flight, and the Bermuda Triangle are all mysteries to me. This is different. To me, imprinting looks like an enormous loss of choice. Its like KABOOM you're tied to someone who may or may not love you back, who may or may not be the person you love right now, who may or may not be the person who takes you where you want to be. You choice on where you live, who you spend your life with , who you focus on is gone. Now before you get all mad, remember that I know that everyone is happy so this is what I don't understand! It scares me that a twist of fate could take away any decision that I could make for myself. I mean, what if I would have imprinted on Matt?

Okay. To show you how much time I have spent mulling over this I am hoping *okay praying* that females can't imprint at all. If I go with my "survival of the species" theory then I'm off the hook, right? I mean, unless I quit this wolf thing all together and quit phasing, I'm not going to be carrying on any pack lineage. At some point in my life - that will happen. I know that and I'm okay with that. My hope is that until that time, I don't have my life determined by imprinting - even if it would make me as happy as those who have already imprinted.

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