Its been awhile... transfer from ning.
So much has happened since I last updated. I would like to say that having Matt in Forks has been great for us, but it has been just the opposite. It all started when I went cliff diving with Paul last week. We were jumping and having a great time when Matt came to find me. The plan was for us to go out later on in the evening and have some fun - we never made it that far. Matt got mad and shot off his mouth to Paul. Paul got mad at the way Matt treats me. Yelling turned to fists flying and Matt ended up with a broken nose.
A couple of nights later, I was waiting on the beach talking with Quil when Nadia and Matt showed up. I guess things must have looked a little suspicious. We were actually just talking about then when they showed up. Quil grabbed my hand to show that we didn't feel unusually warm to each other but only to Matt and Nadia. Nadia saw this and heard only part of our conversation and assumed the worse. Matt being Matt was furious and swung at Quil. Nose break number 2 for the week. Things haven't been the same for us since.
The other night was Seth's birthday party. I was there having a great time dancing, eating some pizza and chatting it up with Brennan. He seems like a really great guy. Things were great and then Matt showed up. We hadn't really talked much at all since the night that he and Quil got into it and we definitely needed some alone time to hash things out. Why he chose Seth's birthday party with all the guys around (who so obviously don't like him!) is beyond me! Actually, he was behaving himself pretty well and just hanging back but just having him there with the pack makes me nervous. He just doesn't know how crazy it is for him to push the guys as far as he has been. Embry, Quil, Jared, Riley, and Paul decided to take Matt for a little "walk" to talk to him about his bad attitude and get him to leave Seth's party so I could have fun again. I have to admit that I really think it is sweet of them to take care of me the way they do... even if Matt has to suffer for it :)
While the guys were out talking with Matt, Alice and Jasper came. They were the most amazingly beautiful, and nerve wracking people that I have met since moving to La Push. I wasn't sure whether I wanted to stand and talk with them the rest of the evening or chase them off the Rez, but I'm glad that I got to meet them. Other than Nessa (oh, and the vamp at the bar in Seattle) they are the first vamps that I have encountered. I'm not sure if I am fascinated to the point of wanting to run in to them again or repulsed enough to hope that they stay away: somewhere in the middle I guess. There was something about Jasper that made my skin crawl knowing that Claire was so close and Matt was just through the woods. While talking with Alice and Jasper, Leah and I heard some shouting and craziness from the woods. Thinking that things were getting out of control, we took off to find out what was going on. Riley ended things just in time before Matt was tossed off the cliffs for a little swim. Thanks Riley... I really don't want to see him hurt. I owe you!
Since Matt and I hadn't talked - and still really haven't I went to his hotel room. I was really nervous because I was going to lay it on the line with him. My plan was to tell him that he had to stop running his mouth and start trying to keep his temper under control. I never got that far before he started in on things again. He got all righteous and talking about we have always been a family and blah, blah, blah. Yes, we have been together for a long time, but I'm 17 -- SERIOUSLY! I'm not sure where that came from or what he was thinking but it just made things worse. All I heard was that the pack isn't my family - HE is my family. I'm sure that isn't what he said, but thats how it came out.
Long story short, he pushed things too far. The shaking started, then the heat. I knew I wasn't going to be able to stay in that room for long before I was going to phase. Matt had the door blocked and it took everything I had to keep it together. Once he finally moved just a little bit, I ran out of the hotel barely making it to the forest before I phased. I stayed out there all night just to try and cool off before I went home. We haven't spoken since.
I don't know where thing are headed with us. It all seems so much more complicated than it ever used to. I mean, theres my GIANT secret, theres the pack, college, Seattle, Nadia, and Matt's temper. I don't want to let him go but I don't want to live a lie either. I can't tell him what I am and I can't let him treat me or the pack the way he has so I don't know what to do or what to say other than part of me loves him and part of me wants him to go back to Seattle and leave me alone. *why does just typing that make me want to cry?*
A couple of nights later, I was waiting on the beach talking with Quil when Nadia and Matt showed up. I guess things must have looked a little suspicious. We were actually just talking about then when they showed up. Quil grabbed my hand to show that we didn't feel unusually warm to each other but only to Matt and Nadia. Nadia saw this and heard only part of our conversation and assumed the worse. Matt being Matt was furious and swung at Quil. Nose break number 2 for the week. Things haven't been the same for us since.
The other night was Seth's birthday party. I was there having a great time dancing, eating some pizza and chatting it up with Brennan. He seems like a really great guy. Things were great and then Matt showed up. We hadn't really talked much at all since the night that he and Quil got into it and we definitely needed some alone time to hash things out. Why he chose Seth's birthday party with all the guys around (who so obviously don't like him!) is beyond me! Actually, he was behaving himself pretty well and just hanging back but just having him there with the pack makes me nervous. He just doesn't know how crazy it is for him to push the guys as far as he has been. Embry, Quil, Jared, Riley, and Paul decided to take Matt for a little "walk" to talk to him about his bad attitude and get him to leave Seth's party so I could have fun again. I have to admit that I really think it is sweet of them to take care of me the way they do... even if Matt has to suffer for it :)
While the guys were out talking with Matt, Alice and Jasper came. They were the most amazingly beautiful, and nerve wracking people that I have met since moving to La Push. I wasn't sure whether I wanted to stand and talk with them the rest of the evening or chase them off the Rez, but I'm glad that I got to meet them. Other than Nessa (oh, and the vamp at the bar in Seattle) they are the first vamps that I have encountered. I'm not sure if I am fascinated to the point of wanting to run in to them again or repulsed enough to hope that they stay away: somewhere in the middle I guess. There was something about Jasper that made my skin crawl knowing that Claire was so close and Matt was just through the woods. While talking with Alice and Jasper, Leah and I heard some shouting and craziness from the woods. Thinking that things were getting out of control, we took off to find out what was going on. Riley ended things just in time before Matt was tossed off the cliffs for a little swim. Thanks Riley... I really don't want to see him hurt. I owe you!
Since Matt and I hadn't talked - and still really haven't I went to his hotel room. I was really nervous because I was going to lay it on the line with him. My plan was to tell him that he had to stop running his mouth and start trying to keep his temper under control. I never got that far before he started in on things again. He got all righteous and talking about we have always been a family and blah, blah, blah. Yes, we have been together for a long time, but I'm 17 -- SERIOUSLY! I'm not sure where that came from or what he was thinking but it just made things worse. All I heard was that the pack isn't my family - HE is my family. I'm sure that isn't what he said, but thats how it came out.
Long story short, he pushed things too far. The shaking started, then the heat. I knew I wasn't going to be able to stay in that room for long before I was going to phase. Matt had the door blocked and it took everything I had to keep it together. Once he finally moved just a little bit, I ran out of the hotel barely making it to the forest before I phased. I stayed out there all night just to try and cool off before I went home. We haven't spoken since.
I don't know where thing are headed with us. It all seems so much more complicated than it ever used to. I mean, theres my GIANT secret, theres the pack, college, Seattle, Nadia, and Matt's temper. I don't want to let him go but I don't want to live a lie either. I can't tell him what I am and I can't let him treat me or the pack the way he has so I don't know what to do or what to say other than part of me loves him and part of me wants him to go back to Seattle and leave me alone. *why does just typing that make me want to cry?*
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